EAST HAMPTON, NY — An East Hampton woman facing the unthinkable said learning about her mother’s new cancer diagnosis has given her a greater appreciation for every hour, every second, of the precious life they share.
Kelli Havens created a GoFundMePage for her mother, “Prayers And Help for Wendy Schellinger-Schwob,” which Patch posted about previously. She said her mother had been diagnosed with “an aggressive non-smoking type of metastatic lung cancer called NSCLC adenocarcinoma — and she is Stage 4.”
Later, Havens spoke with Patch about her deep and abiding love for her mother — and how the news has shifted the very foundation of their lives.
Find out what's happening in East Hamptonwith free, real-time updates from Patch.
“Considering I was the first to get the call, it devastated me,” Havens said. “My mom is a 24-year Stage 3 colon cancer survivor, and hearing that she had been diagnosed with cancer again just, honestly, put me back into that headspace where I was that 15-year-old kid again, and my world was crumbling beneath me.”
Havens, though, had to tap into her reserve of inner strength even as she struggled to find her footing on precarious new ground. She had to make the calls to her father Nick Havens — her parents divorced in 1997, she said — her younger sister Julie Havens, and her older brother Jason Cobb.
Find out what's happening in East Hamptonwith free, real-time updates from Patch.
And with the prognosis grim, life has taken on bittersweet urgency.
“Every second counts,” Havens said. “Life is too short. I go through these moments of anger and regret for losing time with her over the past decade.”
Her mother now lives in Florida and Havens, on the East End — and right now, the distance seems vast.
“We go through life thinking there’s always more time, but the truth is, we never really know how much we have until it’s too late,” Haven said.
It pains her, Havens said, not knowing “how this is going to play out. So any and all time is even more precious now, more than ever.”
Havens just spent a week in Florida with her mother and as soon as she reached the East End, she felt ready to turn back, she said — adding that she didn’t want to leave her mother and wished she was able to be by her side.
“I don’t care how old you get, you’re always going to want your mom,” she said.
Her mother, Haven said, is a lifelong Bonacker who now lives in Vero Beach.
Her mother had initially gone to the hospital for heart attack but learned large masses in her lungs were pressing on her heart. Her mother’s cancer has spread beyond her lungs to her bronchial tube, trachea, her bones and lymph nodes, Havens said.
“This cancer is inoperable and too big for radiation. However, we still have chemotherapy on the table,” Haven said.
That’s why the GoFundMe was created, to help pay for medical bills, co-pays, and other expenses.
“My mother is a fighter and if we can help lessen this burden for her and my stepfather Emil we would be forever grateful,” she said.
The most precious gift they are all praying for, she said, is something that’s priceless.
“My mom is 65 and loves life; let’s get her a little more time and let her breathe easier, knowing that out of all the worries, this won’t be one,” Havens said.
When asked if her mother, knowing that her time could be fleeting, had any long-held wishes to fulfill, Havens said her mother’s dream has always been to see her three children get married.
“That is the one thing she did say she hopes for,” Haven said. Both she and her sister are engaged, she said.
“It’s not like it’s a rush to get married, but I’d like to give her that,” Haven said. However, she added, “In her condition, I don’t know how it would be possible now. Distance is really taking its toll on all of us.”
Her mother has a fierce spirit, Haven’s said.
“She is just so present, and wants to be here. I’ve never seen somebody so adamant about living. Her soul is vibrant with love and merciless strength,” she said.
Havens describes her mother as a fighter, who stands firm in her truths. And, she said, her mother is forever beautiful — she cares for herself, waking every morning to put on makeup, fix her hair, and get dressed.
“She boldly faces each day with all that she has,” Havens said. “My mom is life.”
Havens also has a message for her mother: “Everything good in me, my strength, my humor, it comes from her. A lot of who I am today is because of her,” she said. “And I’ll always be there for her, the best I can — every step of the way.”
To donate to the GoFundMe page, click here.
GoFundMe is a Patch promotional partner.
Click Here: サッカーユニフォーム
Get more local news delivered straight to your inbox. Sign up for free Patch newsletters and alerts.